The 14 Steps of Eating a Kumquat

Sometimes, you find strange things on google.

Four-year-olds don’t really have¬†archnemeses.¬†I guess I was just precocious. There was definitely some evil glowering and plotting. And like most archrivalries, it all began with a misunderstanding. But, let’s not make this more than it was.

My first archnemesis was an orange.

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IMG_20180113_103931_034.jpgIt only took two steps before a doorframe broke my fall. Two more steps before my legendary grace and poise were manifested in near disaster amidst a room full of strangers. Thankfully a set of bleachers intervened before I was fully parallel to the floor. I adjusted my center of gravity and delicately placed my weight back on the wheels I had inexplicably strapped to my feet. My earlier enthusiasm and bravery were long ago consumed by the sheer concentration it took not to fall on my face. Just as I found my balance, the color drained from the room. My gaze slid from the floor, tracking each new addition to the battalion swaggering around the rink. The thrum of skates against the arena was at once both entrancing and formidable. Beginners they said. No experience they said. That is not what I saw. What faced me was the most intimidating, humbling moment of my recent existence.

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